I Never Walk Alone

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month so this is a great time to think about those around us who have been impacted by this disease. Everyone has a story of how breast cancer has impacted their lives so I thought I’d share mine.

I didn’t know it at the time, but breast cancer came into my life when I was around 5 years old. That is when breast cancer took my mom and changed my life forever. I don’t remember a lot about her, but I do know she was caring and loving, she could knit and sew, and baked me chocolate cake with white frosting and chocolate sprinkles for my birthday. She was only 40.

As I grew older and started learning and understanding what happened to my mom, a new presence seemed to be with me. You may know it, it’s that voice in the back of your mind that says things like, “will this happen to me,” “when will this happen to me,” “what will I do if/when this happens to me.” I didn’t like it, but it was always there.

It wasn’t until my 30s that I was actually able to talk about my mom without getting emotional. She was such a big part of my life that had been missing that it always made me upset.  Then a very dear friend of mine helped me to realize that my mom’s spirit is with me wherever I am. She’s protecting me and guiding me through all the good and the bad.

Like a lot of people who have a family history of breast cancer, I started getting mammograms earlier than the recommended age of 40. Most of them were fine, none of them were fun, and they all awakened the voice, “will this be the time the news is bad.” Well, when I was 40, the news started out bad which brought on more questions going through my mind, “my mom was 40, I’m 40, is this it,” “what am I going to do,” “how will I get through it,” and of course, “why me???” Fortunately for me I received good news after the biopsy and to date have not had any more irregular mammograms.

Within the past few years I have noticed more people talking about their experiences with breast cancer. I have gained a lot of strength and inspiration from these stories and from these women. Their stories have also made me realize that I don’t have to walk through life alone with the voice of cancer in my mind. I now walk through life inspired by their courage, strength and resilience. My mom is with me too, and I’m sure in some way she’s helping me write this article. If anything, I hope that by sharing my story others can gain strength from knowing you are not alone.